New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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