You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
