she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
