the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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