so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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