Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
