Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
