Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
