They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
