I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
