u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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