Sry I called you an 8
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
