i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
