she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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