Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
