we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
