your thong is hanging out like whoa
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
