So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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