I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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