This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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