Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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