you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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