His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
