I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
