if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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