My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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