And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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