I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
