theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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