Your dad touched me again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
