If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
