I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize