i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
