I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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