i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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