sarcasm needs its own font
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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