I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
