in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
