ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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