I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
