I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
