The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
