if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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