so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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