We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
