you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
