Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
