mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize