If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
