On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
