I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
