he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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