Whod you bang
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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