That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
