I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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