he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
