Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
