Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just google imaged poop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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