I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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