Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
