I just pynch a tree in the face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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