i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
