We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
