Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
