I am in a vortex of obligation.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
soo... how was my night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
